Grieving is a process that requires time, it cannot and must not be rushed. At Sara Eden we meet people every day who have processed the loss of a partner and feel they are ready to embark on the next phase in their lives with someone new.
When we meet them initially, we have an extended conversation during the course of which we discuss their loss and the steps they have taken to process it. This is key to whether or not we invite them to join. Not having come to terms with a loss means it is too soon to find someone new. We do this in the best interests of the client – properly grieving for your loss is vital to moving on and being able to become a loving partner again.
We have learned a lot over the years from our clients concerning this sad topic. We recommend the following when overcoming loss and preparing yourself for a new and fulfilling future:
1 Give Yourself Permission to Grieve
There is no shame in feelings of sadness. To foster your emotional well-being, focus, without distractions, on any aspect of what has happened, feel the pain and sit with it. Expressing your emotions fully during this sad time will help you to process and come to terms with what has happened.
Grief can trigger very deep and intense responses that may surprise you. This is no cause for concern: emotional response is an individual matter and consists of what you, as an individual, need to express. Those who rationalise, dismiss or bury their emotions are locking them away for a later date, which may feel more convenient, until they inevitably resurface and could impact negatively on that new relationship embarked upon too soon.
2 Rely on Supportive Friends and Family
Talking is an important part of coming to terms. Recognise that when you are feeling alone and bereft, that being listened to and heard fosters healing. Other simple acts of kindness, such as bringing you meals or a newspaper, are also part of helping you feel ‘held’ by those who care about you.
3 Forgive Yourself
For those times when you don’t cope/for the days when you feel angry/for not being able to manage the house, children, or cooking as well without your partner/for not being able to face work – you will be able to, given time.
4 Return to Familiar Routines Gradually
There is no rush. As a first step routines are easier to manage because they are so familiar and will help you feel more like your old self.
5 Take Some Gentle Exercise
During the grieving process your body experiences extreme stress, so it is important to maintain some daily exercise to mitigate this. Exercise is an excellent way of allowing a troubled mind to rest for short periods and triggers the release of neurotransmitters and endorphins, which lift the mood.
6 Do or Buy Something New
When you feel ready for change and not before. It signals that you are looking forward again.
7 Rediscover Yourself
Life experience makes all of us who we are. After grief, change is bound to come. Get to know who you are now and embrace life on your new terms.