You’ve tried online dating and it has been more than a bit demoralising. You’re wondering what’s wrong – your friends all have partners……….
If you are willing to take a long, hard look at yourself, you might find some answers.
By the way, you are fine – you are who you are – there is absolutely nothing to apologise for.
However, romantic love is not your priority. Considering that the only person responsible for your happiness if YOU, if you do want a loving partner it’s time for new thinking.
Make time – love can’t enter anywhere if the door is closed. Filling every moment with yoga classes and activities with friends you already know are easy options, because being busy is approved of and we all thrive on approval. But filling your time like this is an obstacle in your path.
The other barrier you face is your assumptions about others. They are based on your previous heartache, or on the opinions of your friends, not on your future happiness. Remember that love will never be absolutely on your terms: it’s about shared desires, values and beliefs.
Stand still, clear your mind and focus on yourself, at least once every day. Believe in what you want and open up your mind. Look around, even when you are in a group. Have you noticed how little we do that these days? Talk to strangers and if that’s too big a step at least respond to anyone who talks to you. Keep your phone in your pocket.
Some people are lucky in love – is that true? Look closer and you will see that they are in a space are you are not in right now. Your habits are holding you back, so make room for change – join a class on your own, visit places, do things, which interest YOU – alone. Every change you make will boost your belief in your own capacity to succeed. This is the habit to build into your life if you are not finding love right now.
By the way, rejection is not personal, although it is often inelegant – being told you are not the one is actually okay – who wants to be with the wrong person? It’s a blessing! Move on and keep looking.
Karen X
